I like the one where I rescue a princess
'Cause I'm large and masculine, and ...kinda dirty
'Cause I keep going down holes, and I can shoot fireballs out of my hand
and I go to a castle where I jump on a monster, yeah.
What do you think? My place or yours?
If I go home alone I'll end up doing chores
So take my hand, tell me your name, let me come over and play video games
All night long
I like the one where I have my own little fairy
and I rescue a princess, (man, I sure like those princesses)
and I have a big long sword, and I can shoot white stuff out of my sword,
and I go to the deep dark dungeons where it's kinda scary, yeah.
What do you think? My place or yours?
If I go home alone I'll just do chores
So take my hand, tell me your name, let me come over and play video games
All night long
I like the one where I'm a big, strong, manly bounty hunter
But I'm soft and feminine on the inside
and my worst enemies can suck my life-force out of my brain
and I go around fighting pirates in my spaceship, yeah.
So what do you think? My place or yours?
If I go home alone I'll just end up doing chores
So take my hand, tell me your name, let me come over and play video games
All night long
What do you think? My place or yours?
If I go home alone be really, really bored
So take my hand, tell me your name, let me come over and play video games
All night long
I go to check my mail,
Your name is on my screen.
You ask about my day
So casually. Like
Nothing else has changed.
What's with this crap that's on my screen?
Don't care about your f*cking day.
Makes me wanna scream ‘cause
Chorus:
I'm not your girlfriend anymore.
So glad that I don't see you now.
I'm not your girlfriend anymore.
Stop messaging me.
And as if to make things worse,
You call me pet names like
Your hunny.
Like you don't even care whether
I even like that sh*t.
Will this go on forever?
I didn't even like those pet names
When we were together.
Chorus
And if you see me on the street,
Do me this one favour please;
Pretend like you don't know me.
Just walk away.
And if I see you in the park,
Even if it's late and dark,
I'll do my very best not to
Smash your face in.
I go to check my mail,
Your name is on my screen.
Your user icon
Shows you by yourself.
And it makes me kind of happy.
Think it's good for my health,
To see you left unwanted
On the shelf.
I'm not your girlfriend anymore.
So glad that I don't see you now.
I'm not your girlfriend anymore.
Did you know you're a lying cow?
When you became a cheating whore,
I got out the best way I knew how.
I'm not your girlfriend anymore.
Stop messaging me.
Stop messaging me.
Stop messaging me.
Stop messaging me.
So please stop messaging me.
You were a friend, I gave you my trust
I never suspected that you might be slime
You did something you knew would disgust me
and then you lied for three months at a time
Chorus:
You're a liar and I hope something
really bad happens to you
You heard me right, I want you to suffer
like a McDonald's employee
Maybe if your time is taken up by stress
you won't have time to annoy me
Chorus
I hope you wake up at four AM
every night for the rest of your life
I hope you only find ten thousand spoons
when all you need is a knife
Chorus
Not something tragic like your horrible flaming death
Just something really really annoying
Something that makes you seethe with every breath
That would be really worth enjoying
Chorus
I hope you get an inexplicable rash
from something in your home you can't get rid of
I hope you have lots of stupid fights
every time you think you're in love
I hope you end up living with your folks
and listen to them nag about chores and money
I don't want something tragic like you losing all your limbs
but hopefully something just as funny
Chorus x2
This is the story of a girl
who finds pleasure in the world
Sometimes she forgets
to notice the little things
but mostly everything's ok
Especially on a day like today
She stands on a bus that has three seat rows
picking off petals: a three leaf rose
Sipping, and tapping, her tea, her toes
They're painted in pink and cyan
She wrings her hands
"He loves me, he loves me..." She never says 'not'
Her toenails show in the sandals she bought
The bus is so crowded, the temperature hot
Her tea gets less so as she stands
It warms her hands
He's there at the bus stop, he looks at the floor
A flurry of motion and she's out the door
He looks up, he looks in her eyes, il adore
He drops everything, smiles "Hey man"
He moves to stand
Her heart opens up like a fan
She takes his hand
She could be happy just knowing he's around
Sometimes joy is hard to lose once it's found
She counts the ways he loves her and forgets the 'loves me not'
She could find happines in everything she's got
The petals of a rose, the polish on her toes
The smile of a boy who loves everything he knows about her
Everything he knows about her
There's lots of kinds of people in this world
and I'm, well, I'm not like other girls
How do I explain this properly?
My boyfriend's girlfriend isn't me
Well obviously one of them is
But there's another girl of his
And I know her and she knows me
and that would be great if it was just us three
But she has a guy who's even more pretty
and a long-distance thing in another city
He and his wife come by when they can
and they have a kid who calls me his aunt
Just when I thought it was all too crazy
I tried to draw our family tree
There's nothing wrong with extra love
But the paper wasn't big enough
Chorus:
Of all the ways I've ever dated
it's never been so complicated
The chain can extend to eternity
'cause my boyfriend's girlfriend isn't me
We spent Christmas eve with my boyfriend's dad
Christmas day with my folks and the feast they had
New Years, he went to his girlfriend's city
I mean the one who isn't me
She brought him and her other guy
to her company picnic and I won't lie
I wasn't used to being alone
so I want someone new of my own
It isn't easy to find a fling
'Cause when you hit on some tasty thing
They say "Aren't you with that guy?"
You say "Oh he doesn't mind.
Have you ever seen 'Big Love'?
Know what I mean, wink, wink, nudge, nudge..."
And they say "Oh, so you're a Mormon?"
"No! ...I'll explain from the beginning..."
Chorus
When the partners get together,
the primaries and all the others,
we give the newbies a little primer
and we all get out our day timers
Calendars as far as the eye can see.
"When can I see you?" "When are you free?"
"Who gets me on my birthday?" and then
"Does anyone have an extra pen?"
The kids have the best celebration.
Gifts from three dozen odd relations.
There's Uncle Jackie's girlfriend, Mary,
Ed who is her secondary...
Ed's new boyfriend brought along
his ex, whose fling is going strong
with someone that I used to know
and just became my boyfriend's beau...
Chorus
A couch where four can snuggle up
Suddenly isn't big enough
And even so we don't give up.
There's no such thing as too much love.
I said people suck and you agreed
You didn't think to say "hey, are you talking 'bout me?"
I should have known it would end like this
Every job you've ever had you up and quit
The boss was mean or the hours were long
How cruel of me to make you sing your own damn songs
and find you opportunities to sing on stage
Where do you find musicians who act their age?
Hypocrites and drug addicts, I don't give a f*ck
In fact I'm glad you're leaving because you suck
I don't need a band and I don't need you
You're dumb, and you smell like poo
You can't play with my guitar anymore
I could be a rock star if it weren't for
the fact that other rock stars suck
I said people suck and I meant it too
The top of the list is drummers like you
"Yeah, I'll join your band, it's rad and unique
Yeah, I'll join your band for a couple of weeks..."
What does commitment mean to your type?
Two jams a week as long as there's hype?
What does it take to keep your attention?
Screamo and noise? And oh, did I mention
Your attitude stinks. I don't give a f*ck
In fact I'm glad you're leaving because you suck
I don't need a band and I don't need you
You're dumb, and you smell like poo
You can't play with my guitar anymore
I could be a rock star if it weren't for
the fact that other rock stars suck
You can't play in my back yard
My back yard, my back yard
You can't play in my back yard
My back yard's full
I said people suck and you agreed
You didn't think to say hey are you talking 'bout me?
But of course I was, you f*cking quitter
You'll have to excuse me if I sound bitter
A year and half of constant work
gone in a moment, you f*cked up jerk
This isn't a hobby, it's my f*cking career
Now I have work alone and I wanna f*cking cheer
No more compromises, I don't give a f*ck
In fact I'm glad you're leaving because you suck
I don't need a band and I don't need you
You're dumb, and you smell like poo
You can't play with my guitar anymore
I could be a rock star if it weren't for...
I don't need a band and I don't need you
You suck and that's all you do
You can't play with my guitar anymore
I could be a rock star if it weren't for
the fact that other rock stars suck
The fact is other rock stars suck
I'm not greedy
I work hard when you give me things
I don't want cars, I don't want shoes,
I don't want diamond rings
Give me all your extra work
you can go play hooky
ask me nice, treat me right,
and bribe me with a cookie
You could try respect
or shower me with praise
and yes I admit
these tactics could phase me
While words and money might be
sweet
They're not like chocolate chip
and they're not that good to eat
If you want me on your side
Cookies are my favourite bribe
Some get what they want
with flirting and a kiss
Some are intimidating
Threatening with fists
There are politicians
who can be bribed with votes
And I guess that's fine for some, I mean
whatever floats your boat, but
If you want me on your side
Cookies are my favourite bribe
Plans to arrange, terms to define
Issues to report, ads to design
Meetings to prepare, notes to transcribe
Cookies are my favourite bribe
Cookies are my favourite bribe
If you want me on your side
Cookies are my favourite bribe