I go to check my mail,
Your name is on my screen.
You ask about my day
So casually. Like
Nothing else has changed.
What's with this crap that's on my screen?
Don't care about your f*cking day.
Makes me wanna scream ‘cause

Chorus:
I'm not your girlfriend anymore.
So glad that I don't see you now.
I'm not your girlfriend anymore.
Stop messaging me.

And as if to make things worse,
You call me pet names like
Your hunny.
Like you don't even care whether
I even like that sh*t.
Will this go on forever?
I didn't even like those pet names
When we were together.

Chorus

And if you see me on the street,
Do me this one favour please;
Pretend like you don't know me.
Just walk away.
And if I see you in the park,
Even if it's late and dark,
I'll do my very best not to
Smash your face in.

I go to check my mail,
Your name is on my screen.
Your user icon
Shows you by yourself.
And it makes me kind of happy.
Think it's good for my health,
To see you left unwanted
On the shelf.

I'm not your girlfriend anymore.
So glad that I don't see you now.
I'm not your girlfriend anymore.
Did you know you're a lying cow?
When you became a cheating whore,
I got out the best way I knew how.
I'm not your girlfriend anymore.
Stop messaging me.
Stop messaging me.
Stop messaging me.
Stop messaging me.
So please stop messaging me.

There's lots of kinds of people in this world
and I'm, well, I'm not like other girls
How do I explain this properly?
My boyfriend's girlfriend isn't me

Well obviously one of them is
But there's another girl of his
And I know her and she knows me
and that would be great if it was just us three

But she has a guy who's even more pretty
and a long-distance thing in another city
He and his wife come by when they can
and they have a kid who calls me his aunt

Just when I thought it was all too crazy
I tried to draw our family tree
There's nothing wrong with extra love
But the paper wasn't big enough

Chorus:
Of all the ways I've ever dated
it's never been so complicated
The chain can extend to eternity
'cause my boyfriend's girlfriend isn't me

We spent Christmas eve with my boyfriend's dad
Christmas day with my folks and the feast they had
New Years, he went to his girlfriend's city
I mean the one who isn't me

She brought him and her other guy
to her company picnic and I won't lie
I wasn't used to being alone
so I want someone new of my own

It isn't easy to find a fling
'Cause when you hit on some tasty thing
They say "Aren't you with that guy?"
You say "Oh he doesn't mind.

Have you ever seen 'Big Love'?
Know what I mean, wink, wink, nudge, nudge..."
And they say "Oh, so you're a Mormon?"
"No! ...I'll explain from the beginning..."

Chorus

When the partners get together,
the primaries and all the others,
we give the newbies a little primer
and we all get out our day timers

Calendars as far as the eye can see.
"When can I see you?" "When are you free?"
"Who gets me on my birthday?" and then
"Does anyone have an extra pen?"

The kids have the best celebration.
Gifts from three dozen odd relations.
There's Uncle Jackie's girlfriend, Mary,
Ed who is her secondary...

Ed's new boyfriend brought along
his ex, whose fling is going strong
with someone that I used to know
and just became my boyfriend's beau...

Chorus

A couch where four can snuggle up
Suddenly isn't big enough
And even so we don't give up.
There's no such thing as too much love.

I said people suck and you agreed
You didn't think to say "hey, are you talking 'bout me?"
I should have known it would end like this
Every job you've ever had you up and quit
The boss was mean or the hours were long
How cruel of me to make you sing your own damn songs
and find you opportunities to sing on stage
Where do you find musicians who act their age?
Hypocrites and drug addicts, I don't give a f*ck
In fact I'm glad you're leaving because you suck

I don't need a band and I don't need you
You're dumb, and you smell like poo
You can't play with my guitar anymore
I could be a rock star if it weren't for
the fact that other rock stars suck

I said people suck and I meant it too
The top of the list is drummers like you
"Yeah, I'll join your band, it's rad and unique
Yeah, I'll join your band for a couple of weeks..."
What does commitment mean to your type?
Two jams a week as long as there's hype?
What does it take to keep your attention?
Screamo and noise? And oh, did I mention
Your attitude stinks. I don't give a f*ck
In fact I'm glad you're leaving because you suck

I don't need a band and I don't need you
You're dumb, and you smell like poo
You can't play with my guitar anymore
I could be a rock star if it weren't for
the fact that other rock stars suck

You can't play in my back yard
My back yard, my back yard
You can't play in my back yard
My back yard's full

I said people suck and you agreed
You didn't think to say hey are you talking 'bout me?
But of course I was, you f*cking quitter
You'll have to excuse me if I sound bitter
A year and half of constant work
gone in a moment, you f*cked up jerk
This isn't a hobby, it's my f*cking career
Now I have work alone and I wanna f*cking cheer
No more compromises, I don't give a f*ck
In fact I'm glad you're leaving because you suck

I don't need a band and I don't need you
You're dumb, and you smell like poo
You can't play with my guitar anymore
I could be a rock star if it weren't for...
I don't need a band and I don't need you
You suck and that's all you do
You can't play with my guitar anymore
I could be a rock star if it weren't for
the fact that other rock stars suck
The fact is other rock stars suck